Being a caregiver is one of the most compassionate and selfless things one can do in their lifetime. Though it is rewarding, there may come a time when we can’t do everything ourselves. Many families consider relocating their loved ones to a supportive community. When the moment comes to entrust your loved one to better care, it’s often that they refuse the help that they need.

To put it simply, change can be scary. One of the biggest concerns older adults have is losing their independence. A major part of our identity is a sense of self and making our own decisions. It’s always important to be proud of the life that you live. With age comes potential declines in cognitive or physical health which can lead to feelings of frustration and feeling misunderstood.

Care facilities are often misunderstood and thought of as a place that takes away the freedom of personal decision-making and how we go about our everyday lives. They strive to help older adults lead their own lives while ensuring they receive necessary, high-quality care.

Many older adults tend to avoid talking about their care needs or downplay the seriousness of the challenges they may be facing. In some instances, seniors can be agitated, dismissive, or even angry when the idea of making changes or seeking additional help is up for discussion.

Here are some helpful tips on how to approach a loved one who is refusing the help they need:

Be trustworthy.
Having the conversation with mom or dad about getting them proper care doesn’t always go as smoothly as we hope. Having an open conversation in a comfortable, non-judgmental environment makes for an honest and calm experience.

Building trust between you and your loved one is essential for them to know that you’ll always have their best interest at heart. Trust enables open communication, encourages cooperation, and lessens feelings of resistance.

Being transparent allows loved ones to feel supported. Establishing trust begins with taking the time to actively listen to and acknowledge their input and offering a safe space for them to confide in you. Trust and transparency in creating care plans ensure that your relationship with your loved one will not be altered, even when faced with a disagreement.

Seek to understand.
In situations where emotions are heightened, even though it may feel overwhelming and even avoidable at times, there’s always an underlying reason. It’s not always easy to process our feelings, let alone those of others. When we try to understand our loved ones during a time of uneasiness, it can make decision-making easier and put our emotions at ease.

The essential part of this is to listen to your loved ones wants, needs, and concerns. When prioritizing the best interest of others, it’s easy to let our own opinions take over. What we think would be best for ourselves if the roles were reversed isn’t always fitting for others.

Understanding a loved one starts with asking questions. For example, consider asking, “Can you tell me why you feel this way?” or “What can I do to help?” Simple questions help you reach an understanding and alleviate any miscommunications that arise. You can also try smaller gestures like maintaining eye contact, not interrupting, and offering a smile or hug.

Offer choices.
Ideally, your job is to help guide your loved one in making their own choices they find comfort in. When your loved one can make their own decisions, it fosters a greater sense of independence, building trust and cooperation. Providing your loved one with options gives them a sense of control and makes them feel involved in their journey to find care.

After you reach an understanding of your loved one’s wants and needs, do some research. Compile a list of options you think would be compatible. The more information you both have, the better you’ll both feel when it comes to reaching a decision.

Consider things such as amenities, services, and care plans that are offered. Community tours are a great way to explore different options. Also, consider reaching out to community staff who can give you more insight. Experiencing things in person can ease your loved one into coming around to the idea rather than continuing to push it away.

But what if they still won’t budge?
No matter what approach you take, the support you give, or the options you present, sometimes those we love are more stuck in their ways than anticipated. Growing from refusing the care that is in their best interest to accepting it takes time, whether that’s on their own or with the advice of others. In the meantime, the most important thing is to treasure the moments you have with your loved one while conveying your commitment to being there for them no matter what.

Gloria Dei’s Personal Care and Memory Care at The Park community is always here to help you and a loved one find comfort in care transitions. Feel free to contact our community at 267-625-6429 and let us lend a helping hand.